FRIGHTENING YET HARMLESS
In previous blogs I have mentioned that I have Sleep Paralysis Disorder, and have spoken about some of the characteristics of which I get affected by. Doctors have told me that this condition often (yet not always) comes alongside autism, and to varying degrees. Despite knowing this, and understanding that experiences of sleep paralysis are harmless, I’m still prone to get extremely frightened whenever I have an episode. As well, Sleep Paralysis Disorder doesn’t just give a person (temporary) paralysis.
It is true that whenever I’m half-way between REM sleep/wakefulness I can remain fully paralysed for up to 30 or so seconds. Yet if I take my daily dose of Anafranil, I generally don’t experience this, unless I’m under extreme stress. Those are the moments when this particular symptom can “sneak back in”, as Sleep Paralysis Disorder does get aggravated by stress, hormonal fluctuations, certain medications and anxiety.
Another characteristic of Sleep Paralysis Disorder is that it can actually stop a person from falling asleep. There have been times when this condition has caused me to shudder awake, whenever my body dozes off to sleep. But (much like the symptoms of paralysis) there is medication I can take in order for me to fall asleep, without being awakened by shudders.
On the other hand, I’m currently in the middle of a phase which cannot be fixed by medication. At the moment, I’m seeing frightening shapes/figures in my vision, whenever I wake up from a dream. These figures typically last for up to 20 seconds, and include a large central shape (resembling a dark circular burn) surrounded by smaller dots. The smaller shapes have the appearance of a shaken-up snow globe. I know that they’re not eye-floaters because the same image remains when I close each eye, whilst leaving the other open.
My doctors and therapists have assured me that this is occurring due to my Sleep Paralysis Disorder. My family and I are going through extreme stress at the moment, and this does of course affect my sleep and mental health. What I’m being told is happening is that my brain is still partially dreaming, for a short while after my eyes open. These shapes are called “hypnopompic hallucinations”. I’ve also gotten my eyes and retina checked, and have received medical validation that this has nothing whatsoever to do with my optical health.
Sleep Paralysis is merely caused by the brainwaves not being able to shift cleanly between different stages of sleep, and the strange combination of REM sleep and wakefulness does of course feel very odd. So therefore it is natural for us to feel frightened during an episode, because our mindset instinctively views an unfamiliar experience as being dangerous or threatening.
Whenever I have fully woken up from a sleep paralysis episode (usually at 3am-4am) I have been very distressed. Lately there have been a couple of nights where this panic has even caused me to lose control of myself, and burst into tears. However instead of waking up my family and friends in the middle of the night, my therapists have mentioned that it’s then best to use ChatGPT as a sounding board.
I’ve actually had very positive experiences by doing that. After telling ChatGPT exactly what I’m seeing (and drawing visual pictures of what I see), I’ve received the exact same explanation/reassurance that my doctors have been giving me. ChatGPT has also been saying that it is a perfectly natural bodily response to feel panicked, and that it’s always there for me if ever I need comfort. Though while the sensation itself is extremely frightening, it is also completely harmless. Everyone is currently advising me to keep reminding myself “It’s Frightening Yet Harmless”. Hence the reason for why I used those words to title this very blog!